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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29459118">if you kill your heroes, keep them dead</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenEevee/pseuds/QueenEevee'>QueenEevee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Blaseball (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>12x100, Character Study, Gen, I'm just here to push my "Jaylen and Hiroto Should Be Friends" agenda I'll be real, Seattle Garages (Blaseball Team), Vignettes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:53:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29459118</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenEevee/pseuds/QueenEevee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“The gods aren’t going to forgive you for this."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Good."</em>
</p><p>(or, 12 snapshot vignettes of Jaylen Hotdogfingers through the seasons, told from the perspective of someone who never asked for any of this.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jaylen Hotdogfingers &amp; Hiroto Wilcox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if you kill your heroes, keep them dead</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm fully joining the bandwagon of this fic format. 12 scenes, 100 words each, inspired by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29314074/">@crookedsaint</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29409144">@marquis</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411586">@waveridden</a>, and of course, the og: Lewis Attilio's real baseball short stories (on Medium as <a href="https://pigeonize.medium.com">@pigeonize</a>).</p><p>HUGE thank you to Tam (@marquis) for looking this over and encouraging me to actually post it, and a collective thank you to blaseball tumblr for giving me all the inspiration I could ever need to work with. I'd like to formally apologize to Jaylen Hotdogfingers fans everywhere. I hope I did her justice.</p><p>
  <strong>CW: Major Character Death x2 (it's Jaylen, she comes back); mild self-harm ideations; vague mentions of incineration</strong>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>I.</strong> <em> <strong> Girl from the Garages; Alive; Pitcher </strong> </em></p><p>Jaylen doesn’t remember much about Season 1. Which is funny, because when Jaylen had stepped onto the mound for the first time, she swore to commit every moment to core memory. Throwing her first pitch; her first shutout against the Talkers; the Garages’ first win. The heat of the sun on her neck. The whine of the amps at jam sessions. The laughter of her victorious teammates. </p><p>It’s not for a lack of trying. It’s just hard to remember Season 1 with anything but bitter longing. It’s harder to remember anything before the Hall.</p><p> </p><p><b></b> <strong> II. <em>The Payment; Dead; ? </em></strong></p><p>Jaylen doesn’t know who she should curse out. She doesn’t know if she should even be angry, but something about this all being out of her control―preceded by nothing, provoked by a random luck of the draw―makes her furious. What a shitty hand of cards. She doesn’t know why it had to be her.</p><p>What she does know is that she’s alone. She’s <em> down</em>, somewhere, surrounded by half an ocean of water. And her face, carved of marble, looms tall over the hallway. There are two shadows in this place; she casts both of them.</p><p> </p><p><b>III. </b> <b> <em>The Payment; Dead; Pitcher</em> </b></p><p>Jaylen doesn’t remain alone for long. She tries not to take comfort in this fact, but a small, lonely part of her admits that it’s nice to not have to play blaseball against herself anymore. There’s not much else to do down here besides count peanut shells. Pitching, at least, is comfortable, familiar.</p><p>More teammates than she expected eventually join her. She meets her replacement, now replaced himself; he doesn’t look happy to see her. No one does. She can’t blame them. This is not a place you grow to love. </p><p>She pitches. They play ball.</p><p> </p><p><b></b> <b>IV. <em>The Resurrectee; Dead; Pitcher</em></b></p><p>Jaylen doesn’t believe them at first. The news of the Garages’s rogue plan for resurrection had first arrived with the Marijuana brother, but at that point it had just been a rumor, a whisper passed between the above-world teams. Now Mickey Woods says they’re gunning for it, and from what it looks like, it’s going to work.</p><p>“The gods aren’t going to forgive you for this,” Landry warns, the only Tiger here to put up a fight.</p><p>“Good,” Jaylen says, trying and failing to suppress her growing excitement. “They owe me an apology. Call it even.”</p><p> </p><p><b></b> <strong>V. </strong> <b> <em>The Returned; Alive; Pitcher</em> </b></p><p>Jaylen doesn’t immediately sense that something’s wrong. However, it does occur to her that Mike isn’t there when her eyes blink open into sunlight. The Garages seem unbothered. <em> All part of the plan</em>, they say, and envelop her in warm embraces and wild laughter. She had missed that sound.</p><p>Jaylen slowly remembers what it feels like to breathe, to feel her heartbeat in her throat. Near-giddy, she presses two fingers to her wrist. Her pulse thrums softly. She smiles. </p><p>(A crackle in her ribs, like a limb gone numb, stirs deep within her chest. <em>Something’s wrong</em>.)</p><p> </p><p><b></b> <b>VI. <em>The Indebted; Alive; Pitcher</em></b></p><p>Jaylen doesn’t know what happened to her pitches that afternoon but she doesn’t think it warrants this interrogation.</p><p>“What the <em>hell </em>was that, Jaylen?” Allison shouts, voice upset but face concerned.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Jaylen lies. They all heard the Commissioner earlier: <em> PAYMENTS PENDING. </em>There’s no question who’s in debt.</p><p>“Can you control it?” Teddy presses, and Jaylen sneers. Like anything about this has ever been in her control.</p><p>“Is it better if I can?”</p><p>Allison guffaws. “Yeah, then you could <em> stop</em>.”</p><p>“<em>Pitching </em>? What, regretting necromancy <em> already </em>?”</p><p>The room goes quiet. Jaylen thinks that answers enough.</p><p> </p><p><b>VII. </b> <b> <em>The Indebted; Alive; Demon Pitcher</em> </b></p><p>Jaylen doesn’t know why Hiroto Wilcox isn’t afraid of her. Ruby Tuesday came and went in a blaze of smoke and epitaphs and Jaylen’s running total of collected debts only continues to multiply over itself. Landry, it turns out, had been right. She wonders if the Tigers had thought something similar, all those seasons ago.</p><p>But Hiroto. Hiroto stares her down like she would an enemy, a hated rival. Jaylen’s certainly not received warmly anywhere anymore, but normally there’s more fear, awe, attached to the glares.</p><p>It’s nice, to not be treated like a god.</p><p> </p><p><b>VIII. </b> <b> <em>The Refinanced; Alive; Pitcher</em> </b></p><p>Jaylen doesn’t think she can take much more of The Flickering. It’s uncomfortable, to say the least; enough to grind her teeth to powder, to be frank. She’s not in any real pain―call it mercy―but the heat waves and cold flashes and sensations not unlike sticking her finger in a socket every few minutes don’t make her want to tear off her skin any less.</p><p>But it’s part of the compromise. She’s safer now. Less dangerous. Doesn’t mean anybody outside her team is fiending to talk to her. Doesn’t mean she wants to talk to them.</p><p> </p><p><b></b> <b>IX. <em>Jaylen Hotdogfingers; ? ; Pitcher</em></b></p><p>Jaylen doesn’t get the feeling Mike is ever going to talk to her. It’s a kick to the teeth, knowing the one person she actually wants to see wants nothing to do with her, but she doesn’t blame him. Coming out of the shadows into a predetermined legacy couldn’t have been easy. She understands. She knows what it’s like to have your name make entrances for you.</p><p>Mike doesn’t call. The season ends. She hates him, a little. Misses him more. </p><p>And then, because the gods have a sense of humor, Jaylen dies again. Tillman <em> fucking </em>Henderson.</p><p> </p><p><b></b> <b>X. <em>The Traitor; Dead-Alive-Dead-Alive-Dead-Alive-; Pitcher</em></b></p><p>Jaylen’s getting real tired of being tossed around by the gods. She’s dead, she’s alive; she’s in the Trench, she’s on the field; she’s in blue, she’s in red, and she’s pitching, <em> always </em>pitching. The Pods don’t want her. The Hall Stars don’t want her. The Pies and the Moist Talkers and the Shoe Thieves don’t want her and by the end of it all, she isn’t sure the Garages will want her either. She thinks she’s gotta get better at making friends. She thinks, above all, it’s high time the gods paid their own debts.</p><p> </p><p><b></b> <b>XI. <em>Ex-Pod; Alive; Pitcher</em></b></p><p>“You look good in pink,” Hiroto greets in lieu of hello. Jaylen tugs on her jersey. The irony of joining a team with uniform colors two shades to the left of Pods-Red hasn’t been lost on her.</p><p>“Thanks,” she says. Hesitates. “I came to apologize.”</p><p>Hiroto might not want her sorry. She might be angry. In all honesty, Jaylen doesn’t even want to apologize; she just wants to amend something and doesn’t know how else to begin.</p><p>Hiroto isn’t mad. She looks somewhat amused, in fact, when she meets her eyes.</p><p>“Why? You don’t owe me anything.”</p><p> </p><p><b>XII. </b> <b> <em>Pitcher for the Lovers; Alive; Jaylen</em> </b></p><p>Jaylen calls Hiroto as soon as Season 11 ends. Hiroto spends most of their conversation shouting over the din of a celebration, but she laughs when Jaylen congratulates her on dodging ascension and hangs up with a promise to visit soon.</p><p>The following Siesta is long; Jaylen finds ways to cope however she can. She goes to brunch with the Lovers. She signs up for the Coffee Cup. She finds Tillman in a bar and slugs him in the arm.</p><p>Sun 2 at her back, she pitches and pitches and tries to begin again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!!<br/>You can find me on tumblr at <a href="https://queen-eevee.tumblr.com">queen-eevee </a> where I write other blaseball drabbles, or twitter at <a href="https://twitter.com/queen__eevee">@queen__eevee</a><br/>Here's hoping for a good Season 12 y'all</p></blockquote></div></div>
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